Yeah, this was essentially already made in 2004 by someone else using different ideas.  But I have this great voice for it that I wager genuinely scares my girlfriend.  Also, the character she will play has two great lines in it (when she’s a grief-stricken shell of a person, before she comes out of aforementioned shell- though those seem like opposite types of shells): “You shouldn’t have opened that door” and “You should have known they don’t deliver the mail on Sundays.”  The mailman killed her sister or something and now she wants revenge.  The new misfit kid in town is going to help her and they probably fall in love.

The conceit is basically that the mailman has keys to everyone’s building and knows ya bizness.  If he were evil, he could terrorize you.  This one is evil. 

Opening line: Neither rain nor snow nor heat nor gloom of night will keep you safe from the mailman’s fright!

Catch phrases:  (after slicing a man’s throat with an inexplicably blade-like envelope) “Looks like it’s a ‘red letter day!’”

“Please sign here…you just signed YOUR OWN DEATH CERTIFICATE!”

(after placing a sheet of stamps over a victim’s face and suffocating him to death) “That gets my stamp of approval!”

Ending (SPOILER ALERT):  The duo wrap the mailman up in a package and address it to “Hell  666 Hades St. The Underworld.”

Sequel?:  Hells yes.  Post Mortem 2 - Inadequate Postage.

Looks like our heroes failed to use enough stamps to get the mailman to hell.  It’s scary how something so trivial can bring such destruction.

My tweeting was non-sequential. Will post the proper commentary here when I can. I had the distinct feeling that Kobe Bryant thought it was Michael JORDAN’S funeral.

“Steve, hope the “A” was worth takin two in the melon I ain’t knockin Air’s judgment (hell, I’d get all up in those guts too, that biotch was definitely doable), but when are us dude’s gonna handle our relationship with women with more logic? The ONLY responsible way to handle a relationship with woman is HIT IT AND GO. Marry her, and the government takes away your 13th amendment rights and put’s you in a legal bind to support her. In some states (Florida being one) you can get stuck with alimony for life….what kind of B.S. is that. Marriage is good ONLY for the woman, a man is an idiot for getting married. Oh, and that weak story she was putting out about how Air was gonna leave his wife and marry her is just some cheap delusion she was under (I’ve seen this dozens of times). A woman will convince herself that the man is gonna leave his wife and marry her, and the funny part is not one single time would that subject be brought up. R.I.P. Steve……you damned sure didn’t deserve this.”

Today marked the 1st 1st 1st time blowing kisses in the direction of the publishing world re: my novel re: agents. You’ve gotta give em time. Oh, and the drop down option of “multiple” or “exclusive” was sweet-hearted. I’ll give you a chance and if it’s not working out splendidly, I’m seeing other people. “I won’t call for a week.”

at you significant other actually accomplishes a great deal, including but not exclusive to reducing your personal feelings to comedy, making significant other laugh, subsequently laughing at yourself.

I’m not sure. “I write obituaries,” I say. “Anything else?” she asks. “I guess. Here and there. I used to write more.”