Yeah, this was essentially already made in 2004 by someone else using different ideas.  But I have this great voice for it that I wager genuinely scares my girlfriend.  Also, the character she will play has two great lines in it (when she’s a grief-stricken shell of a person, before she comes out of aforementioned shell- though those seem like opposite types of shells): “You shouldn’t have opened that door” and “You should have known they don’t deliver the mail on Sundays.”  The mailman killed her sister or something and now she wants revenge.  The new misfit kid in town is going to help her and they probably fall in love.

The conceit is basically that the mailman has keys to everyone’s building and knows ya bizness.  If he were evil, he could terrorize you.  This one is evil. 

Opening line: Neither rain nor snow nor heat nor gloom of night will keep you safe from the mailman’s fright!

Catch phrases:  (after slicing a man’s throat with an inexplicably blade-like envelope) “Looks like it’s a ‘red letter day!’”

“Please sign here…you just signed YOUR OWN DEATH CERTIFICATE!”

(after placing a sheet of stamps over a victim’s face and suffocating him to death) “That gets my stamp of approval!”

Ending (SPOILER ALERT):  The duo wrap the mailman up in a package and address it to “Hell  666 Hades St. The Underworld.”

Sequel?:  Hells yes.  Post Mortem 2 - Inadequate Postage.

Looks like our heroes failed to use enough stamps to get the mailman to hell.  It’s scary how something so trivial can bring such destruction.